I’m a mom of 4, wife, daughter of the King, published children’s book author, self-taught momtrepeneur, essential oils educator and business developer.
With God’s power I have been able to rise up strong and move on from abuse in the many forms it presented in my life; verbal, emotional, sexual and financial.
Today, I am on a mission to help restore women who have become convinced they are not deserving of love and success after failure, abuse and financial challenges to rise up and rock God’s power in their life, relationships & finances.
A Life of Many Failures
When I was 24 I dropped out of college for the 4th time. This was one of my many failures that would soon turn me into a stressed out, depressed, isolated mom of 2. At the time I was pregnant with my first son and realized I wouldn’t be able to combine school and motherhood: my health was deteriorating but more importantly I had no support and my finances were terrible. My student loan had run out, and I wouldn’t be able to afford any more tuition, housing or medical insurance.
So, I ran back home.
I made the move across the ocean and moved in with my mom, with my husband in tow. But things wouldn’t get better yet. After that I would face a string of health crises, personal failures, business challenges, emotional distress, broken relationships, and a divorce that would lead to being deserted entirely by my family. Today I want to share a particular part of my life story of how failing as a mom brought me to learn to allow God’s power to strengthen me.
Failing As a Mother
Once arrived back home, my health took a turn for the worse, I was in excruciating pain 4 days a week, I could barely eat anything, I would puke most foods even salads and fruits, and because I was pregnant I couldn’t receive any pain meds. So I started looking into natural alternatives. I was so afraid to be judged and lacked confidence in my intuition that I ultimately didn’t try every possible solution– no one could understand why I wanted to save my gallbladder.
At 38 weeks I had a rush induction because I had panicked from all the colic I had that day, 12 hours later after non-stop colic pains I met my son, Kyren. I had no idea what giving birth really felt like.
The first 4 months of my son’s life were hard, I was either in pain, knocked out by pain meds or constantly feeling like a terrible mom because try as I may my son wasn’t gaining weight on the breast. I had chronic low milk supply. I would often hold this tiny little miracle in my arms and cry my eyes out apologizing for being a broken mom, for failing him. I was so depressed, I felt like my body had betrayed me even though for the first time in my life I lost a lot of weight and to some looked great!
Most of the people around me either quickly pushed me to use formula or took a distance because I wasn’t part of the “natural moms” group. I was devastated and felt so alone because the only thing I ever wanted was to feed my baby the way nature intended — instead my body was starving my defenseless baby.
After 4 months trying to get a grip on my gallbladder, I gave up and scheduled the surgery to have it removed. In a few weeks I became pregnant with my second baby, this time around I worked practically ’till the day I gave birth, I needed it to make rent and utilities almost every single month. I felt like I had no other way out, I felt like I couldn’t count on my husband to provide — while others made use of the opportunity to point out that I was irresponsible for having another baby.
This time I refused to get any outside help for my breastfeeding issues, I had lost trust in those in charge with offering breastfeeding support. I didn’t want any outsiders in my private space, and I had little success so I fell deeper and deeper into despair and depression. Again my body had failed me and I didn’t trust anyone to help me.
Educating Myself On Low Milk Supply
While local doctors didn’t really have much information to help me get to the bottom of it, I spent a lot more time educating myself on low milk supply and it’s causes. I had found an online support group and lots of information.
When I was expecting my third baby I started to prepare early and noticed an alarming trend. Most moms in the support group were pushing themselves into a nervous breakdown to produce a few ounces more a day — sometimes a week — for their baby. There were strenuous pumping schedules, tube feedings and over the counter meds. None of the meds were meant to be used for milk production issues, and had a lot of side effects.
Some of the side effects of the recommended drugs included low libido, weight gain, depression. I was already depressed, suicidal and having panic attacks, I didn’t want more of it. When a post started floating around the group with moms saying they were willing to risk it all to make a little extra I felt that this was not the right answer for my family. I’ve always been obese, I’ve already had to live through one health crisis during a pregnancy as a direct consequence of obesity, I was already having anxiety attacks, losing sleep and depressed. Exposing myself further just was not an option, not for my family, not for me.
That’s when I started researching herbal approaches, but I soon realized that most of these plants don’t grow where I live, making tinctures would take too long and I could screw it up so easily. That’s when I remembered that I had met people online who used plant essences every day, pure unadulterated highly concentrated plant essences they believed were God’s means to support good health.
And so, I ordered my first bottle of essential oils. I quickly learned why you have $15 essential oil bottles and why some cost well over $70 for the same plant. One works and helps your mind & body stay above the wellness line, the other can make you gag, burn your skin and give you a massive headache. Can you take a guess which one is which?
Relief In A Tiny Bottle
I ditched the idea of making tinctures and instead looked for essential oils that could help promote milk production naturally. Since I didn’t know exactly what I was dealing with I had limited success exclusively breastfeeding at the time, but I was a totally different mom with my third baby — Thank God!
Instead of spending all this time crying over him feeling like a broken vessel, I was joyful, relaxed and we breastfed and combined for nearly 8 months. Our night time routine during the first 6 rough weeks of adjusting to each other included a cup of tea infused with Fennel Essential oil for me, Lavender on my heart, and some Stress Away on my sling.
I didn’t feel pressure or strain, we just flowed and it was lovely. I had also become more confident as a mom and finally stood up for my values on the topic of vaccines. My third baby is rarely ever sick, and unlike his older brother, has no allergies.
I gradually managed to come out of that dark place, move past the constant anxiety and stress. I gathered the courage to walk out of a financially and mentally abusive relationship, break ties with verbally abusive relatives, and face my childhood traumas which include molestation and live life by my calling. Every day I am restored just a little bit more with the power God gives through prayer, holy spirit and plants.
I have strength for all things in Him that gives me power. Phil 4:13
New Outlook, New Life, Restoration
Today I’m married again and expecting my fourth baby, and I’m not only armed with these small bottles with the colorful labels, this time around I’m also armed with an arsenal of essential oils infused antioxidant rich supplements to provide me with better nutrition.
I’m excited to meet this little one and discover what else these amazing products will do for me and my family, aside from giving me an energy boost and help me deal with anxiety in a healthy & balanced way.
Finally, I can be confident about the future, as I learn more about keeping myself and my family healthy with a community that believes in me and supports me, I am teaching others how to have wellness in abundance for their families.
It all started with…
…the two amazing ladies above that have prayed over me, loved on me and been true sisters the last couple of years…
And the small bottles in this family wellness kit